By: Stuart Knight (Founder and CEO) | January 9, 2025
What’s one of your biggest regrets?
On Monday, this is a question that myself, and 45 members of The Human Connection Group, committed to asking others over the next thirty days. My answer to this question can be found below, but before that, consider joining our movement of like minded people that have come together to experience greater human connection. It's free, and you can sign up HERE.
Like many people, I can’t help but wonder how my life would have turned out based on decisions I “should”, or “shouldn’t” have made in the past. I was accepted to three universities, did I choose the right one? I turned down that TV gig at a local station because it didn’t pay enough. Where would I be today if I hadn’t? The list continues from there, and near the top you would discover that one thing I’m most curious about is how my life would have unfolded had I not been so non-commital in my relationships.
Looking back, it’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to, and have realized that my inability to fully commit to past girlfriends simply came down to my own insecurities. I thought, “If I fully give myself to another person, what if someone better comes along?”. “If I miss out on someone “better”, then I risk not having a partner that will help me achieve my vision of success and happiness right?”. This flawed thinking led me to approaching my relationships with one foot in and one foot out, which isn’t something I’m proud to admit. However, can I say I’m being real with my readers if I don’t speak the truth?
Ironically, this blog is beginning to feel like an apology letter to those wonderful women, but deep down, I know that’s the last thing I should do. Sure, there’s always room for saying sorry if someone’s feelings have been hurt, but to apologize for a relationship not transpiring into something more assumes that it was meant to be. Perhaps us getting married, having children and buying timeshares wasn’t best for either one of us, so instead of saying sorry, maybe I should be saying you’re welcome? Wow, for some readers, that will go down as the most chauvinistic thing they’ve ever heard, but before judging, please hear me out!
Whenever something doesn’t work out the way we think it’s “supposed” to, our automatic assumption is that it’s a bad thing. However, there’s literally millions of examples that prove the opposite to be true. The gal who didn’t pass her bar exam became a life changing high school teacher. The dude who went to the wrong cafe for a first date, met the woman of his dreams at the one he actually went to. The business leader who said something hurtful at work, later made amends by creating a committee that fosters deeper human connection in the office.
So yes, I regret not operating as my highest self in the past, but in doing so, I have come to understand myself on a deeper level, which has led me to being a better partner and father today. In fact, if it weren’t for my past mistakes and flaws, I wouldn’t have the life I have today, which feels like the exact life I’m supposed to have. So, should I regret my past, or should I embrace it for where it’s brought me today?
Personally, I’m not sure if it’s beneficial to believe in the notion that all regrets should only be seen as lessons life had to teach us at one particular point in time. For me, thinking that way too easily lets me off the hook for times in the past when I’ve been a dick. However, I do see the value in a hybrid belief system where I recognize that there have been moments in my life where I sucked. But instead of dwelling on it, I should use those experiences with the intention of sucking less. That kind of reframe on regrets seems to work better for me
And today, I invite you to consider embracing the same belief system. Have there been times in the past you have been a less than desirable version of yourself? Hell yes! Should you regret it? Sure! Why not? Give yourself a few minutes of regret, but then move onto step two, which is to let it die where it once lived. From there, take the lessons that experience had to offer, and use them to suck a little less in the future.
The very point of being a human being is to screw up, and then grow up and then show up. Once you wrap your head around that, it’s up up and away!
Much love,
Stuart
PS. Become part of a quickly growing group of like minded people who are committing to having meaningful conversations each month with a stranger. Sign up here for free: https://www.humanconnectiongroup.com/membership
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