When Friendship Runs Its Course
By: Stuart Knight (Founder and CEO) | October 22, 2026
Hey there, my friend,
Oh no! I’m about to write a blog about friendship, and I just called you “my friend,” as I always do at the beginning of these newsletters. But are we friends? And what criteria do we use to decide? If we saw each other on the street, would we shake hands, high-five, or go as far as giving each other a hug? And would one of these three potential greetings indicate something about our friendship better than the other? If I looked into your eyes while walking down the street without recognizing who you are, would it mean that we’re not friends at all? And if that’s true, perhaps me beginning this blog with the words “Hey there, my friend” feels disingenuous?
I think these kinds of questions are important to ask because I believe most people give little thought to whether their friendships are strong. It’s almost as if they see it as a lottery where you get what you get and there isn’t much you can do about it, so there isn’t any sense in giving it much thought. As if you don’t have any choice in the matter. Well, our kids are friends, or we live on the same street, or we’ve known each other since kindergarten, or our wives are best buds, so I guess that does it.
To that I would say, does it? Is it really just a lottery that we have to accept? Now, before we go any further, I want to point out that every day I say the words “my friend” when interacting with people. To the barista I say, “Thanks, my friend”; to a fellow soccer dad I say, “What’s up, my friend?”; or to a stranger in my building I may say, “How are you, my friend?” I find it to be a term of endearment I can use to indicate that you are more than just a stranger to me.
However, as much as I throw the word friend around, it’s not lost on me that there is a very wide spectrum of friendship ranging from the person you enjoy idle chat with when ordering a coffee to someone who would be by my side should I have one week left to live. And for that reason, I am very clear about what criteria I use when deciding where people fall on my personal spectrum of friendship. I realize that reading that last sentence may come across as somewhat conceited, as if being my friend is some sort of privilege. To that I would say, you’re damn right being friends with me is a privilege, and there are few things in life that I could be more sure of.
I’m the type of friend who will check in on you to see how you’re doing, look you in the eyes when you’re speaking, ask you questions about your life, show up when you need me, support your causes, speak highly of you when you’re not around, and laugh at your jokes regardless of how good they are. If I break a commitment with a friend, it’s for a very good reason. If something is important to you, I remember it. If you experience heartache, I’ll be the one still asking how you’re feeling a year later. So yes, being friends with me is very much a privilege, which is why it is without apology that I have expectations of those who want to share that title with me. And they’d better have equally high expectations of me.
Recently, an expectation of friendship surfaced that I wasn’t overly aware of but flashed on my radar because of a quick exchange I had with a friend I’ve known for years. I had just finished updating him about a long list of things that were going on in my life and that of my family, and not only did he show zero enthusiasm, but he didn’t ask me one question about all that I had just shared. Instead, he turned the conversation back to himself. And whether it was the fact that this has happened many times before or the wisdom that comes with age, I found myself thinking, “I deserve better.” More specifically, I deserve reciprocation of what I would have done if it were the other way around. Any friend of mine sharing big updates about their life knows that I’ll pepper them with a list of questions that give them a chance to go deeper on all that is currently important to them. Simply put, that friend will know that I care, and I deserve to feel the same way.
I realize that some people reading this will want to point out that not all friends express love and caring in the same way, to which I would agree. However, that doesn’t mean a person has to accept those differences. You might be married to someone who loves you deeply but finds it impossible to express it through physical touch. Well, if physical touch is of paramount importance to you, it is not your obligation to endure that which is lacking for the rest of your life.
I would say the same is true with friendships. Sure, like any relationship, you have to bend a little to make it work, but you shouldn’t have to bend over backwards. You might have a friend who sometimes makes off-colour jokes, isn’t always the best at showing up on time, or gets a little loud when they’re drunk. These are things we all have to accept, and I’m sure my own close friends could list off what those things are about me. However, it’s important to be clear about what you don’t find acceptable in a friendship and then be willing to do something about it when it happens. I’ve told that friend on more than one occasion that it bothers me when they don’t show interest in my life. And sadly, it was this most recent time that I realized it was something that would never change, which makes it something I can no longer accept.
My friendship with this person will not come to an outright end, but they have slid down the spectrum away from being a bestie and toward something else. Making this decision was very difficult because the older you get, the harder it is to fill these gaps, but I’ve learned that my spiritual growth requires that I have the courage to sit alone in these empty spaces. It’s possible that a new person who wants to play the friendship game at the same level I do never comes along, but unless I’m willing to create that space, there’s no way of truly knowing.
And speaking of knowing, I know that you know what I’m talking about, which is why you must do all that you can to be a great friend and then accept nothing less than the same.
Much Love,
Stuart
PS. Great connections don’t happen by chance. They happen by design. That’s the thinking behind the Hypha Standard. Check it out.
You never know who could be impacted by these blogs, so please consider sharing or liking this post, and then let the universe pop it onto the page of the person who needed to hear this today.
Don’t forget that you can download Toolbox 22 for resources that help you connect on a meaningful level for free! Click the following link to get it today. https://www.humanconnectiongroup.com/toolbox22
Comments