What Your Anger Says About You

By: Stuart Knight (Founder and CEO) | September 29, 2026

So, one thing I constantly have to battle with in my household is the entitled anger one of my children feels about an infringement over one of their rights.  As an example of that, just yesterday my daughter was absolutely horrified that her brother had the audacity to sit on her bed while he was putting his socks on.  I know, I was equally shocked by the sheer lack of consideration myself!  However, I should point out that minutes earlier, my son came into the kitchen screaming about the injustice of my daughter dancing in the same room that he was practicing his soccer shots.  Again, can you believe the nerve?

Ironically, the anger I might justifiably feel over the fact that my daughter's bed still wasn’t made after many requests, or that the soccer net my son was shooting on happens to be our family piano, didn’t seem to be factored into either one of these two transgressions.  To even point this out to them would be yet another act of indignation in their eyes!

Now, any parent with young children knows all about the daily refereeing that I am referring to, and understands that it’s part of the job.  Side note, if you don’t have kids and are thinking about having them one day, I strongly encourage you to read the full job description before applying, as it may influence whether you show up to the interview!  Moving on.  With respect to this particular responsibility of being a parent, I know that when my children get angry I need to create space for them to feel heard, because they are too young to know they are simultaneously being selfish.  Is your brother sitting on your bed really an act of psychosis honey?

Sadly, most people don’t see the selfishness of their anger as they move into adulthood, and I fear that modern day society is only aiding and abetting such behaviour with each passing day.  There was a time when adults needed to actually defend their anger with a legitimate reason, knowing that not being able to do so could result in being ostracized by your friends, family or community as a whole.  Put more bluntly, you knew to shut the “F” up and not say anything unless somebody actually wronged you.

Fast forward to the present day, and that’s no longer the case. Today, as long as you can prove that your feelings were hurt, everyone else has to shut the “F” up.  You only need to point out that the actions or words of another person made you feel sad, embarrassed, uncomfortable, etc. for your grievance to be valid.  No longer do you risk being shunned for being overly sensitive, because society now shuns those who don’t embrace each and every bad day you have to endure.  

While I think as a species it’s important that we evolve toward having greater compassion for others, if anger is justified any time a person feels something they don’t want to feel, would that not mean there is no end to the number of things a person can be angry about?  For example, it might not bother you that the person sitting next to me right now in the cafe has clearly doused themselves with more perfume than I would like, but if my feelings are hurt, isn’t that enough?  Should I not be justified in asking the staff to stop what they are doing so they can ask her to move to another table, or better yet be asked to leave?

Well, if the notion of such a thing causes you to chuckle, or to think that requesting the staff support me in my suffering would be ridiculous, it means you still believe in thresholds.  You believe in limits.  And I happen to think that’s a good thing.  As is the case with my children, I teach them that if they are angry about something, they need to be able to back it up with more than them simply not liking the way it made them feel.  Yes, their feelings are important, but so is a functioning society.  As melodramatic as it may sound, I believe that if we become hyper focussed on people’s feelings, we risk being able to get shit done.

In April, 2024 about 50 Google employees were fired for disruption they caused in the workplace.  These employees were upset about their company doing business with the Israeli government, so they felt justified in damaging property, intimidating colleagues and physically stopping people from going to work.  Their feelings were hurt, and instead of taking agency in their lives by choosing to work for a company that was more aligned with their values, they felt it was the responsibility of everyone else around them to change. 

After the firing, Google sent out a memo reminding people that they are in the business of making money, and while they support an employees' right to their political beliefs, ones feelings being hurt is not an excuse for disrupting the very thing we do, which is make money. And I believe this example brings us back to what I said above in that if hurt feelings are enough to force others to change, we'll never get anything done. If employees of a company can demand that their company not do business with one country based on how that country makes them feel, is it not fair that any employee can ask their employer to stop doing business with any country of their choosing? There isn't a country in the world that doesn't have blood on their hands for something, so maybe we should stop doing business with everyone?

It's with this same sentiment that I try to teach my children, because I don’t want them growing up expecting the world to constantly bend in order to protect their feelings.  If they can’t navigate the inevitable moments of pain life will throw their way, their fate will forever be in the hands of others.  And isn’t that true for all of us?  Whether it’s at work, in the home, amongst friends or within our communities, never forget the difference between someone actually hurting you and someone hurting your feelings.  In the former, you must stand up for yourself and try to change the situation, and in the latter, you must stand down and try to change yourself.

Much Love,

Stuart

PS. Completely unrelated but I wanted to remind you that the Hypha Standard is the new hype and you definitely don't want to do your next event without it.

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