Something You Never Knew About Outgoing People

By: Stuart Knight (Founder and CEO) | January 22, 2026

Throughout my entire life, I’ve been led to believe that my extremely outgoing personality is an affliction that needs to be tempered. I realize that sounds somewhat sensational, but you would be surprised at the hundreds, and even thousands of times, I’ve heard backhanded comments from people poking fun at my exuberance for life, and my fellow human beings.  I often hear things like, “Wow, you’ve got a lot of energy!”, or “Do you always talk to strangers?”, in a tone that is nothing close to a compliment, but more of a curiosity about what it’s like to go through life with such a disorder!

It’s like hearing someone say, “Oh, so you’re going to have dessert then...?” in a voice that clearly shows judgement rather than genuine interest in your culinary choices.  At the end of the day, we have all fallen prey to judging the way someone chooses to live their life.  And the conclusion most people make about outgoing individuals is that we are unaware of how our one person show makes other people feel.  For if we did, surely we would tone it down a bit.

However, that’s the exact secret outgoing people fully understand.  We are keenly aware of how we make other people feel, and that’s exactly why we do it.  We understand that pushing a ball of energy bigger than ourselves into the world can light people up in unexpected ways.  We are also aware of the fact that we push this energy out for completely selfish reasons.  We want to feel good, and we’ve learned that the fastest way to get there is to make others feel it first.  Sadly, many people think we act this way because we only want attention, and a rare minority do, but most outgoing people are genuinely trying to spread love.

The other day, while walking out of a building with my children, I turned to the exceptionally muscular guy sitting at the reception desk and said, “Dude, you need to hit the gym!”  By the time we walked out, my surprised kids turned to me and asked why I had said such a thing.  Instead of answering directly, I chose to ask them if they noticed the young man’s reaction to what I had said.  They said yes, and to that I asked them to describe to me in as much detail as possible what that reaction was.  They told me that he laughed, and I said they were right, but to go further.  From there, they told me that he responded with a joke back to me.  I said that was true, but encouraged them to keep going.  At this point, they began to notice little things, such as the way he sat up in his chair, how his body language changed and they even predicted how he would interact with the next person walking by.

You see, I didn’t want them to just observe the obvious parts of the exchange, but to also see the hidden layers that can easily be missed.  By doing so, I wanted them to see the super power all human beings possess, but one that we can only experience when we choose to use it.  While walking up to this young man, who clearly works out, I had a split second decision to make between choosing to say something or not, and when my kids are watching, I’ll almost never choose the latter.

People assume outgoing people are just born that way, but I’d argue that more often we simply choose to be that way.  How many people have you met who are outgoing, but tell you that they were once painfully shy?  I believe those people get a taste of what happens when they take the risk of engaging another person on a higher level, and they can’t go back to their old self.  In this case, during that split second I began feeling the way I knew I was about to make him feel, which easily inspired me to take action.  From there, it played out the same way it has countless times in my life.

However, the life lesson I was trying to teach my children wasn’t finished yet.  I then asked them a question that was more important than all the others.  I now asked them to turn their attention inward, and to tell me how it made them feel.  Ironically, even though they had not been the instigators of this exchange, by proxy they got to be part of it, and with the wisdom all children possess, they found words to describe it perfectly.  They told me it made them feel warm inside, that their belly tingled and that they could feel heat in their chest. 

With the intention of wanting to make the experience stick, I then asked them the rhetorical question of whether they liked the feelings they just described, to which they obviously said yes.  That’s when I told them that they could experience these kinds of feelings whenever they wanted, but that it would take courage to do so.  I told them that it wasn’t just about complimenting a stranger, but that it was more about connecting with people on a level that goes past the surface. 

Sometimes, that will come in the form of saying something nice, but other times it will happen when you create a space for other people to feel heard.  That may happen when you choose to ask questions that invite others to share their current frustrations, past triumphs or dreams for the future.  It may happen when you tell someone that you are genuinely interested in their perspective, and ask them to go deeper into what makes them tick.  It may happen when you are willing to share your own story, insecurities and beliefs in what you think makes the world a better place.

Regardless, I told them it has nothing to do with being outgoing, gaining the spotlight or being the most popular person in the room.  Instead, I reminded them that it had everything to do with intentionally looking for ways to make other people feel seen in a very lonely world.  And when you look for it, you will be surprised at how often you will find it.

It’s not about being outgoing.  It’s about being out knowing.

Much love,

Stuart

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P.P.S. Don’t forget that you can download Toolbox 22 for resources that help you connect on a meaningful level for free!  Click the following link to get it today!  https://www.humanconnectiongroup.com/toolbox22

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